Monday, April 8, 2019

You CAN Sit With Me

This week I got denied for the 6th time by rewardStyle (and don’t even ask why I kept applying because I don’t have an answer other than a part of me thinks I *might* be cool enough...) 

My feed isn’t cohesive enough. I don’t have enough to offer. I don’t converse enough with people or share what they’re looking for. I’m not tall, I’m not thin, I don’t always take perfect selfies or filter my pictures. My feed isn’t full of bright whites and light. According to them, I am inadequate. Geez, thanks. 

I think I look pretty good for almost 41. Just sayin. 

But... You know what it does? It makes me feel like I’m in high school all over again. I envision some random person sitting in a cubicle scrolling feeds of applicants going “not cool nope. not pretty nope. oooh tall thin and pretty yes. people want to look and talk and be like you, yes.” It makes me have that feeling in the pit of my stomach like I did in high school questioning why no one wanted to sit with me or why I wasn’t invited to a party. It has that affect on me now as an adult, and on others in the same shoes too. 

But then I scroll the LTK page of tags. And everyone looks the same. They talk the same. They tag the same things. They have you swipe up for their shirt, pants, shoes, lipstick, underwear, even their type of tampons sometimes. They don’t stand out. So why have I kept wanting to be a part of it?! I wish I had the answer. What I’ve concluded is it’s mean girls through and through. As women, we want to be included. We want to be popular. We want to have friends. We want people to like us. 

But in my almost 41 years I have concluded this: I’d rather have 10 TRUE friends than 10,000 I couldn’t depend on. I’d rather have a core group of women who have the same views and opinions and are REAL and relatable than second guessing myself as to how to fit in because they make me feel inferior or like an outsider. Which brings me to social media: I’d rather have minimal followers who enjoy this ride I call life instead of 22,000 followers who sit back and judge or who are bots in China. I’ve made some great friends from IG and I am grateful for that. But this is more than a highlight reel... this is REAL LIFE.

Thanks for sticking with me. 

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