I'm pretty sure you know exactly what I'm talking about but you've never been able to identify it. Or know what it's called. So I'm naming it for you right here, right now. You can thank me later.
The Mom Trifecta.
That beautiful relationship we ALL want with that amazing mom friend where the moms get along well, the dads get along well, and the kids get along well. And no one in the trifecta is a brat or an asshole. Seems easier than it is, doesn't it?! Well, it isn't. Trust me on this.
Let's break it down.
Before becoming a mom, all I wanted was mom friends. Making mom friends is like being in high school all over again. You think, hey, you just went through what I just went through therefore and had your body completely mangled to give birth to another human being, we have that common bond. Right? WRONG-O! Not all moms are the welcoming moms. Not all moms need friends. Also, not all moms want 'new' friends. They want their old pre-mom friends and don't want to welcome anyone new into their group. Sound familiar? Sound like high school all over again? Well, it is.
I was convinced that I'd join a baby music class or a sign language class or be strolling along the trail one day and there she'd be. In all her glory. THE mom friend. My new bestie. Surround by twinkling lights and her hair blowing perfectly in the breeze. {important to note: her messy bun would be blowing in the breeze and she'd still be in a nursing bra even though she was done nursing eight months ago because she was a hot mess just like me!} But then reality set in and that just wasn't happening. It was going to take work. Hard work. It was like being the new kid in school all over again and trying to see who meshed with you. Going into the cafeteria to sit down and pulling out a chair only to be told "you can't sit here" alllll over again. Ugh. Drama even in my late-30s.
So, out we went. My son and I. Testing the waters, stroller bootcamp, music class, story time at the library, you name it, we were there. Out and about looking for members of my new tribe. I knew they were out there, I just had to find them. But boy, did it take work! It took trial and error. It took classes upon classes upon classes. BUT...
Eventually, I found them. THOSE friends. Those friends everyone wants to have. The ones who you know have your back. The ones who love your kid like they're your own. The ones who bring mimosas to the 9am playdate. The ones who you can text at 8am because you already are done with the day. The ones whose shoulder you can cry on and will listen and not judge. Yeah, THOSE moms. We clicked. We connected. My tribe was formed.
But what came next was what I deem the "Mom Trifecta".
Our kids get along + We get along + Our husbands get along = TRIFECTA
Hugs all around!
The odds of that happening are slim to none. I mean, lets face it. That's hard. That's a lot of personalities, that's a lot of opinions, different parenting styles, different schedules, different rules and routines, different political views, that's just a LOT. I mean, really, it IS a LOT.
Having a mom friend who gets you and you get her back is hard enough in and of itself. I mean, if you're a woman reading this, you're likely nodding and saying in your head "yup, totes get that!" Then factor in your kids getting along. And as babies is one thing but growing up together and surviving toddlerhood is a whole other ballgame people. Having those mom friends AND keeping those mom friends is work. But those trifecta relationships are SO worth it.
But when you find it, relish in it. And enjoy it. Because you might only have one or two of those trifectas. But in all honesty, that's all you really need. I mean, when you want to get together to go out, it often takes WEEKS for schedules to mesh with one another. So imagine if there's four or five in your trifecta trying to get together. Ain't gonna happen.
I am so fortunate to know I have my very own Trifecta. We mesh. All of us. Our kids mesh well. The moms get along well, And the husbands can sit around and chat and there's no awkward feeling that someone is the odd man out. It's amazing when the stars align like that, isn't it?!
There, I said it. And put it out to the internet for all to see.
Seven years ago, I started blogging. And I use the term "blogging" loosely. I was not efficient with it. I did not take it seriously. I did not have a focus. I just rambled online because some teachers I worked with suggested it. Check out my very first post here.
But, I have recently, over the past year, decided to get back into it as a way of expressing myself and having something to do. Mainly, I was looking for bloggers to follow who were like me and I struggled greatly with finding them. Most bloggers I found lived and had the picture-perfect life. Which I far from have, believe me. I also found they were all super tall, thin, had impeccable skin, fabulous hair, and looked like a model even before they walked out the door. Then, the self-doubt started to sink in. I am not tall, I do not look like a model, my hair is a hot mess almost every day, and I am as far from a model as one can be. I mean, I'm 4'10" tall and have a round shape. Let's be real.
The more I thought about it, the more the doubt set in. I don't look like the average blogger. I don't talk like the average blogger. I don't decorate my house like the average blogger. I don't post like the average blogger. I don't style the shelves in my home to be featured in a magazine. I don't walk through the grocery store in over-the-knee boots while wearing a floppy hat and cashmere sweater. You'd walk past me 100 times over without even noticing me most days.
But then I stopped. Why do I want to be average?! Why do I want to be like everyone else?! Sure, I take inspiration from other bloggers. I mean, who doesn't want the cute new booties from Target they're all wearing or have gorgeous front steps covered in mums and pumpkins styled oh-so-perfectly?! Don't we all?! But inspiration is different than becoming.
Instagram was sucking my sense of identity from me. I was constantly looking for the next best outfit, the newest accessory for my house, the cutest new boots, eyelash extensions, but for what?! And why?! To be like everyone else?! I just can't anymore.
I asked on my Instagram stories over the weekend a few questions to my followers. I asked about what kinds of pictures they want to see (staged or real life) and 99% said real life. I asked what kind of fashion pics people want to see (use what you already own or buy new) and 96% said use what you have. I asked if they wanted to see my family life as well as fashion and styling and 97% said yes. I asked if they found bloggers and influencers to be inauthentic and 99% said yes. And I finally asked about my #thisis40 challenge I made to myself and if they enjoyed it and 98% said yes! I found these answers enlightening and greatly assisted me in my newest decision.
I am going to continue blogging and I hope that I appeal to you and your friends. And I am going to continue to be me, 150% me. Authentic and real and if I have spinach stuck in my teeth in a picture, so be it. That's what you're gonna get. I share style and fashion tips, fun restaurants that my friends, family and I discover, and lots of ins and outs of being a mom.
I'm not your normal blogger. I'm your neighbor, your friend, the mom you see enjoying her coffee while strolling the aisles of Target with a messy bun and mismatched socks. I roll on the floor at MyGym with my toddler every week, I cry at stupid GE and AT&T commercials, I love to shop but savor a good deal. I don't wear makeup everyday, my pictures are taken in selfie mode or by my toddler, I wash my hair maybe once a week, and I do this "blogging thing" because I know there are others out there like me who just want to read tips and tidbits from a fellow "normal mom" and know it's ok to not be picture perfect day in and day out.
So, thank you for being here with me and enjoying my little blog I've got going here. I hope you'll stick around for a while and see where our life takes us.
